I can't really pinpoint the exact moment when I "discovered" this surreal record label. In my early years of HM collecting I started noticing how many of the worst/strangest/ugliest Metal and Hard Rock records I came across had one thing in common: the German, Usingen-based Metal Enterprises/Music Enterprises record company. The mastermind behind the label was one Ingo Nowotny. Unfortunately I know next to nothing about the guy, apart from that his name has popped up on various other record sleeves as manager both before, during and after the labels' heydays. A shady character who I've long since given up hope of tracking down for an interview, however interesting such a project would have been.

Metal Enterprises saw the light of day somewhere around 1985/86. It's very hard to tell exactly, since very few of their albums stated release- or recording dates. The 3 first platters were licensed (?) editions of foreign releases. Nothing strange there, since this was a cost-effective way to get a company rolling (Noise Records started out in the same manner). What's is strange is the undisputed fact that 2 of these acts, KILLER FOX and THRASH QUEEN, are generally regarded some of the worst Metal bands ever put to vinyl. Why he chose to release these particular LPs remain one of the greatest ME-mysteries.

In 1987 they released their first record by the sordid "White Power light" Oi-punk band BÖHSE ONKELZ. They had made a couple of albums on the Rock-o-rama label earlier in the 80's and were on it's way to become one of the best selling independent rock bands in Germany. Cash was suddenly flowing into the ME-machine at an increasing rate. Now what could be the best way to invest these new unexpected earnings? Well, to record an endless stream of studio-albums of all your friends and their hopeless projects with a rate of about 1 album a month of course! Here's where the real ME-story starts and things get really interesting.

Metal Enterprises came to define the term Metalploitation, the shameful metallic version of the exploitation-phenomenon (google on Sexploitation, Blackploitation, Psycheploitation etc for further reference). Starting out at the absolute peak of the 80's Heavy Metal wave, Ingo & co. must have discovered that you could easily unload a 1000 or so copies of anything with the Metal-stamp on it, and if you keep production and design costs to an absolute minimum you could even get your money back and then some. "So what's new? didn't every second indie Metal label at the time have the same agenda?" I hear you ask. Sure, but none of them ever came close to the hideous sounds spewed forth from the darkened pits of the Tanit/Woodland recording studios, where the majority of the label's most suspect albums were recorded. At best these studio stool-samples were plain, utterly boring-beyond-belief rock/hr/melodic metal. All fillers no killers, plus the odd (odd!) cover or 2. (POINT BREAK, 1st GODZILLA, SUPER BAD, NILE TEMPLE, SATAN'S SERVANTS etc are perfect examples of these hopeless 1-weekend ventures.) At it's worst, they went far beyond regular crapness and into the dimension of the Incredibly Strange.

The finest/worst examples of this very special "ME-sound" are to be found on their infamous Fake Follow-ups. They contain what is probably the most retarded music ever released under the banner of Heavy Metal (which doesn't necessarily mean that the music itself is Metal.) They never bare any resemblance to the original bands or projects, but are pretty similar in-between themselves, especially the "2nd" KILLER FOX, GODZILLA, THRASH QUEEN, KALASCHNIKOV and FUCKER albums, and could very well have been recorded on the same occasion. It's really hard to describe the sound on these abominations. If you've ever experienced how comedy-shows on TV or radio sometimes can parody Metal music it will give you a faint idea idea of what we're talking about here. It's the music of someone who might have heard a few minutes of Metal at one point in their life and years later trying to recreate it with gleeful intent. Drum-machines, ultra-generic riffing, strange vocal effects and/or improvised singing. Any dumber than dumb idea you can think of and more, it's in there. Like the sudden burst into whistling in the intro of KALASCHNIKOV's "Czarewitch". A venture so terrible and eerie it honestly made me jump out of my chair in terror the first time I heard it. Or the improvised, operatic wailing/screaming, atonal female vocals with a heavy French accent on THRASH QUEEN's "Ashes To Ashes". Or the haunting robot-voices on many a KILLER FOX-cut, or etc etc... On several records they fill up space with strange, lengthy experimental pieces and sound-collages, often sounding like cock-eyed, hapless versions of CELTIC FROST's old cult-pieces of weirdness, "Danse Macabre" and "Tears in a Prophet's Dream". Listening to these specific tracks you get the impression that these guys didn't find it enough to lure innocent people into buying crap music, they really had to rub salt in their wounds by exposing them to pure, torturous noise. Evil, evil men be the men of Metal Enterprises.

In true exploitation-fashion they also reedited, re-recorded and/or even stole plenty of the most anonymous filler songs for their different recordings to simplify production, hoping that no-one would ever notice. Some day I'll update this article with a table of all the same songs appearing on different records under different names, all in the name of science. What an unbearable piece of research work that will be.

Their quite neat logo, which has for years has adorned a homemade T-shirt of mine, turned out to be yet another shameless act of theft. It first appeared on the labels' 15th release, the self-titled FUCKER-debut, released some time around '87-88. Or did it? By share luck I stumbled upon the origin of this insignia on the first "Iron Tyrants" compilation, released by Azra-sublabel World Metal Records (another very suspect label - do these guys share a Masonic lodge or something??) 3 years earlier.

So what else is to be found in the ME-catalogue? Well, there's plenty of homespun, substandard Metal/Hard Rock which hardly should have reached the vinyl-stage in the real world (REPRESSION, THUNDERSTORM, MAD BUTCHER, BURNING VISION, EXPECT NO MERCY etc..), a few utterly stupid and lame crossover bands (SACCARA, VALIUM) and noise/grind concoctions (A.O.K., EXTREME NAPALM TERROR).

Many of their below-average but musically more regular acts comes with such atrocious cover art they can be fun to pick up for that reason alone. The perfect example is the mind-melting RANDOM debut. It would be too tiresome to dissect the origin of every single piece of "art" this label has regurgitated, but let's just pick this one as an example. I'm pretty sure it it all happened something like this:

- "Mr. Nowotny, it's our debut LP and we need some really heavy, impressive artwork to match our music!"
- "U-hu, any specific ideas?"
- "Hm, dunno really. What sayest our trusty and reliable label boss? being a man of good taste and fingerspitzgefül."
- "Aw, I'm blushing. How about something on the Egyptian theme? You know, sphinxes, pyramids and stuff. It worked for DIO and IRON MAIDEN."
- "That's a GREAT idea! Got any good artists up your sleeve?"
- "You bet! My own daughter is quite the designer wiz. She's only 5 years old, but man can that lady paint! She did this adoring little bunny rabbit the other day and..."
- "How old did you say she...
- "...and she comes cheap too! And you know we're on a tight budget here. Trust me, you won't even need a proof-sheet."
- "Um, OK..."

A few weeks later...

- "Brace yourselves guys, here it is - your proud and oh so important debut eL-Pee. Ta-ta!" <--click at your own risk
- " ........ "
- " .......? "
- "You realize we have to kill you now, Mr. Nowotny?"

Incredibly enough the band released a 2nd album on ME a few years later. They are still active today and considered something of a cult band (not so much on musical merits I'm afraid), evolving around the legendary Fred "Nitenpapf" Otto, the only man in Metal bold enough to wear a studded leather tie!

Unavoidably there's gonna be a handful of records on such an industrious label as this one that doesn't quite match the profile. Yes, there are a few decent ones to look out for, especially the BLACK VIRGIN LP, which I hold as one of my all-time American favorites. A handful of other bands also deserve a mention for not being totally abysmal: REAPER is above-average classic German Metal, HAMMER'S RULE have some great moments but are uneven, THINK OF MISERY is great Thrash and the FUCKER debut includes plenty of cool HC cuts if that's your thing. The first KALASCHNIKOV LP may be corny as hell in the lyrical- and graphics-department, but musically it pretty darn catchy. As is the SIMON LP (the only listenable studio-outfit), even if the music is so diverse it borders on annoying. Bands like SYNTRA, HEAVEN WARD and ESCAPE might also appeal to the undemanding Melodic Metal fan and ASGARD's "Dark Horizons" is as great a german Power/Heavy album as you'd ever wish for, but that's just about it. However, if you're looking for cheap laughs and mind-boggling "musical" experiences, you've got a lot of things coming to you. Stuff like JAY JAY TULL, THRASH QUEEN, KALASCHNIKOV etc are likely to heighten the mood on all your parties. Unless you and your friends are humorless twats that is, in which case you really shouldn't throw parties at all.

So remains the ever reoccurring question of "Why?" Why so many incredibly boring/awful, fly-by-night releases? Why such extremely ugly graphics? Why does an album like NILE TEMPLE's even exist?! It's like they tried really hard to intentionally release the worst hard rock albums ever - and they succeeded with flying colors! What motivates someone to do this? Money? Surely there must be easier ways to cash in in the music industry. Malice? Despite all his shenanigans, Mr. Nowotny still gives the impression of a real Hard Rock and Heavy Metal fan, so I don't think so. A few laughs? Yeah, perhaps that's it. Perhaps it's all one big in-joke and Ingo & his merry men are the ones laughing at us and not the other way around. Or maybe they're just a bunch of complete morons. It's this enigma that has had the most impact on me and has made me into such a fervent collector of their catalogue. (It certainly isn't associated with my "normal" Metal-fetish.) When I've finally collected all the pieces of the puzzle, perhaps it will reveal it's mysteries to me and I'll finally be free of this obsession. Hopefully, time will tell.

DaN Edman 2005-01-17